Albert Hammond Jr. (far right) and his band refuse to play until everyone straightens up and flies right.
As I left the Bloc Party gig Sunday night (brilliant, by the way - and opener Albert Hammond Jr was so very luverly), it occurred to me that, since the busy Toronto concert season was just getting underway it might be a good idea to go over some of the things that people do which really irk me (and other attendees) during concerts. If you recognize yourself as the culprit in any of these situations you might want to give yourself a shake and consider changing your troublesome ways.
Let's begin, shall we?
Hey Stretch, I'm down here!
Being a rather little girl, I take particular issue with this offence. At general admission events, in venues where the sight lines aren't that great to begin with there always seems to be a preponderance of tall people crowding the first few rows in front of the stage.
Now, I'm not saying that, just because you're tall you're obligated to hang at the back of the room - you paid the same as everyone else and deserve to stand wherever you like. However, gentleman (and it is almost always males who are the offenders) have a look behind you every once in a while to make sure you're not blocking the view of someone half your size. I often check and I'm not even 5' tall. Allowing a shorter person to scoot in front of you will bless you with good karma for years to come. I'm fairly sure of that. Anyway, it's just a cool thing to do.
BTW, those of you big bruisers who like to cut in front of us more diminutive beings halfway through the show (Weak! So very weak!) - that warm air you feel on the small of your back is the legion of short girls behind you uttering curses on your children and your children's children. We kick shins and ankles, too.
Shut the f**k up!
I'm always astonished by the amount of people who show up at concerts, claim prime viewing positions and proceed to yap the entire evening.
I'm not talking about cheering the band on, yelling out song requests (even thought that's rather futile, as bands rarely stray from their set lists) or sharing a quick word with fellow concertgoers.
I mean the people who carry on full-on conversations at considerable volume (because, you know, they're trying to be heard over the music) about subjects that aren't even remotely related to the performance that's going on mere feet from where they stand.
I don't understand why someone would (presumably) pay good money to attend a concert and then ignore the show. Do you really not care who's playing and just decided it was a cool event at which to be seen and socialize? Are you there to keep your significant other/BFF company and, again, don't really care about the performer(s)? Are you just plain inconsiderate and rude?
No need to respond because I don't really care. The point is, the majority of people at a concert are there for the music not to hear the tedious minutiae of your daily life. If you feel the need to bare your soul, stay at home and talk to your walls (they're always there and won't interrupt you). If you must come to the concert, contain your conversation to the bar area furthest from the stage. And keep it down!
It's not a land rush.
This issue is really most relevant to outdoor festivals. It involves those people who plop their blanket(s) and other paraphernalia in a particular area of the field and expect the tens of thousands of other people in attendance at the event to give them a wide berth.
Just because you plopped your fat arse on a bit of felt doesn't mean you can claim the earth below it as your own. Especially as the day goes on, more and more people will need a place to sit/stand and can't be expected to relinquish prime viewing spots to your delusional land grab.
And you people who try to pull this stunt right in front of the stage and then get testy when people step on your crap really need to get over yourselves.
I know you see me.
This final missive is directed at the folks who, in the hopes of securing a better view, like to go charging through the crowd mid-set.
I don't necessarily fault you all for trying but it might be a good idea to organize yourselves before the performance starts. Also, don't pretend you don't know you're stepping all over people and knocking them every which way just to get where you want to go. "Excuse me" and "sorry" go a long way - especially when you've just smashed my toe and bruised my ribs.
Really, though, at some point you're just going to have to accept the fact that you're only going to get so close. Suck it up, stop pushing and start organizing your strategy for next time.
Feel free to add any other egregious concert faux pas in the comments section.
Happy concert-going y'all!
